Friday, January 30, 2009

Things go from bad to worse for us

On Wednesday it felt like I'd been hit by the express train. Around 9:15am our company laid off 45 people. This was a complete shock to most people. With everything else happening with our family...this is almost too much to bare. It still hasn't totally sunk in. Still griefing some. It's like my whole life has been ripped apart. So now what? With no can my adoptions happen? Will I ever be a mom? My heart hurts so much right now.

I spoke with my social worker and I'm going to wait to update my home study. I will then be doing the I-800 instead of the I-171. Found out there really isn't much of a difference which is good. I just can't think straight right now. But then I think "is God preparing me for something even better"? Something that will allow me to have my little one at home? I have no clue right now?

I was reading an excerpt from the Purpose Driven Life and it couldn't have been more perfect for today. I'll include it below.

Over the last two days we have looked at God's omniscience - that he knows everything, specifically everything about you and your life. We have been examining God's presence in your life by breaking it down into five areas. Today we'll look at the final two.God knows your fears. God knows everything that gets you stressed out. For instance, many of us today are concerned about the economy, and so we have financial fears.

And then we act as if God is unaware of our bills. "Don't you see, God?I'm going under! I'm not going to make it!" We're trying to stretch andmake ends meet. We get uptight, upset, and we worry. But worry is theresult of not realizing the omniscience of God. When we think that God doesn't know what's going on in our lives, thenwe think we have to take matters into our own hands. In effect, we'resaying, "I'll be God." Worrying is taking responsibility for things God never intended you to have. The truth is God is aware of all your needs. Prayer is never giving information to God. The Bible says, "...

Your Father knows what you need before you ask him" (Matthew 6:8 NIV). He's aware of every single need you have: financial needs, spiritual needs, sexual needs, social needs,emotional needs.God knows your faithfulness. Here's another benefit from the truth that God knows everything: He sees everything you do that is good and right.Every time you choose not to sin, every time you resist temptation,every time you take a stand because of God's Truth, he sees your faithfulness to him.

The Bible says every good deed will be rewarded, no matter how insignificant and regardless of whether anybody else on earth sees it. Every encouragement you give to other people, every kind word you give to your children, every time you do a thoughtful act for your husband,every time you pick up around the office when it's not your job, everytime you set up chairs in church or stuff bulletins, every act of courtesy, every time you refuse to gossip, every time you're positive instead of negative - God sees it all, no matter how small (Matthew10:40-42).Imagine yourself on a giant stage and you're the only person on that stage. You're acting out your life. In the audience there is only one person and it's God. He's out there clapping and saying, "I see that good thing you just did. Keep on going! Nobody else saw it, but I did. I know that thought you just had and I know it was a positive good thought. I saw it." So what should be my response? If God sees all the good things that I do and he's out there cheering me on, then my response should be, "Don't Be Discouraged!"

Some of you may be saying, "I've been trying to do the right thing in my marriage. I don't see any results. I've been trying to be the right kind of person and respond correctly with my kids or to my parents. I've beentrying to do the right thing at work or at school. And I don't know ifit's paying off. I don't see it making any difference in anybody'slife."God says, "I see it and it doesn't matter who else sees it." Nothing good we ever do is ever done in vain: "So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up"(Galatians 6:9 HCSB). Knowing the truth - that God knows everything in your life, can either be very disturbing or very comforting. It depends on your relationship to him, whether you're trying to fool him or not. Have you been acting as if God is totally unaware of your life in any ofthese five areas? * God know your faults and failures, but he still loves you unconditionally.* God knows your feelings and frustrations, and he sees your hurt morethan anyone else can.* God knows your future, so he can tell what you need to know.* God knows your fears, and he wants you to hand your worries over to him.* God knows your faithfulness because he sees every good thing you do.The fact that God knows everything is a tremendous motivator for me to live a godly life. I realize that nothing in my life is in secret; nothing I face will hinder his ability to help me; nothing that is tocome will catch him by surprise; nothing I fear will be too big for God's strength; and nothing I do in his name is ever done in vain. God says, "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out-plans totake care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hopefor" (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG). (c) 2009 Rick Warren.


3peas1pod said...

That is a good word Mary. Hang on!

Sherri & Todd said...

Hang in there honey. I finish reading your post later, but in the mean time check out our blog.


Maria said...

Oh Mary. I am so sorry. It's ironic that one morning this week, God laid you on my heart while I was getting ready. I prayed for you -- it could have been the day of the layoffs, but I'm not certain.. however, I know that it was out of the ordinary so I know God laid you there. I don't know what this means, but He does and your continued trust in Him is all that matters. You will definitely be in my prayers!!!

Monica said...

I'm so happy to be able to read your blog again (I couldn't see it for a while) but I am SO sorry to hear about your job and the uncertainties in your life right now. It's very hard to hang on but there's really no other option is there? I hope that things turn around quickly with your income and adoption and you start to see more clearly God's path for you. I will pray for that for you and for all of the PAPs stuck waiting.